You’ve heard it a million times — opposites attract. But, is that really true?
There are many factors that contribute to the attraction between two people:
The biological, aka our genetic makeup
The social, aka the way we were raised and our social environments
The psychological, aka the way our experiences have shaped us into the people we were today
Each one of these factors influence why certain people are attracted to each other, how long the couple maintains their relationship, and what can cause the relationship to fail.
Think of the classic Disney-ified fairytale versions of this type “opposites attract” relationship. Using Beauty and The Beast as an example, the innocence, feminine beauty and gentleness of Belle against the vilified, self-centered and spiteful Beast is an obvious, unlikely pairing. The glorification of the Beast kidnapping Belle and Belle eventually falling in love with her murderous captor opens the Beast’s eyes to his evil doings and literally makes him human again. But, when you analyze this idea of opposites falling madly in love and living happily ever after, you have to question whether there’s more under the surface?
Studies done by social psychologists suggest that attraction is significantly more likely between individuals who share more similarities than opposing qualities. Being drawn to someone that has opposite qualities of you can be enticing and exciting, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship (friendship or romantic). Typically, the reason why most people are attracted to their opposite is because they have certain qualities that you kinda suck at, want to improve on or find inspiring. It’s refreshingly inspiring and different.
Naturally, most people are born with the innate desire to grow and evolve and use new experiences and people to do so. Think about the last time you tried something new that really pushed or inspired you — how did it make you feel? Our opposites can often bring strength and opportunity for growth in our lives.
So, what opposite can succeed and how?
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Night Owl + Early Bird
I think this ultimately comes down to making the most out of the time you are spending together. Are you consciously spending quality time together while you’re both awake? Obviously, it’s important to respect each other’s opposite sleeping patterns (although that may be annoying for the other person).
The Spender + The Penny Pitcher
Compromise is a huge factor in this dynamic as well a genuine understanding on your partner’s relationship with their finances. However, there are clear wins and learning opportunities for both parties in this relationship — the spender will be happy as long as their is money to spend and may learn how to develop a better relationship with money while the penny pitcher will be happy to manage their money and may learn how to loosen up on their scarcity mindset.
The Mess Maker + The Neat Freak
As someone who identifies as a bit of a mess maker, I actually side with the neat freak on this one. It doesn’t hurt to get on board with someone who likes to be a little tidier. On the opposing side, if you’re a neat freak, it may drive you crazy seeing constant mess — especially when living together. Overall, you may need to be okay with being the main point person when it comes to cleaning and tidying up, but it can also be a great way to spend time with your partner divvying up the tasks.
The Extrovert + The Introvert
This dynamic will need to learn how to take one for the team. There will be instances where the introvert will need to step out of their comfort zone by saying yes to social gatherings, and there will be instances where the extrovert will need to willing to pass on events to make their introverted partner feel comfortable.